Abstinence is a very hot topic - not so much between believers, but more so between Christians and those who do not have a clear solid set of morals. The idea to save sex for marriage is so very counter-cultural, that fewer and fewer people are choosing to follow it. The idea that we should delay such immediate pleasure is mind-blowing! I mean... why?
From a Christian standpoint, I've been raised with the belief that premarital (or extramarital) sex is wrong. It quite clearly goes against everything the Bible says on love and purity. These are some of the verses where the Bible addresses this kind of sexual immorality...
Hebrews 13:4, 1 Corinthians 7:1-2, 1 Corinthians 6:18-20, Ephesians 5:3, 1 Corinthians 6:13, Colossians 3:5, Galatians 5:19-21, 2 Corinthians 12:21, Genesis 2:24, 1 Thessalonians 4:3, 1 Corinthians 10:18, 1 Corinthians 6:9, Jude 1:7, 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Acts 15:20, Deuteronomy 22:22, Leviticus 20:10, 1 Thessalonians 5:22, etc.I encourage you to look them up!
Here we see that for a Christian to willfully engage in premarital (or extramarital) sex, he/she would have to either be completely ignorant of the many many times the Bible warns against it... or just decide to rebelliously disobey God. There's no way around it - the Bible clearly takes a strong stand against premarital sex.
But putting that to the side for a moment, let's take a look at all the other reasons to not engage in this type of behavior outside of marriage...
1. Premarital Sex brings Guilt
Just like any other sexual sin (such as pornography, masturbation, etc.), premarital sex causes intense feelings of guilt once the action itself is finished. Deep down inside, we're wired to realize that this is wrong! For the man this guilt comes out the strongest when he finds out the women is pregnant or has an STD. For the women, this guilt reaches it's strongest point when she realizes he never really cared about her, and goes to find another women to get pleasure from.
2. Premarital Sex brings Shame
Once the five minutes of passion are over, the need to hide the sin becomes very evident. "No one will find out!" you say, but deep down inside, your heart is beating out of its chest, hoping that you're not wrong. "What if my parents find out? What if my pastor finds out? What if..."
And then the worst thing happens... the women finds out she's pregnant... no more hiding it now. Suddenly, the blanket is ripped off and the wrong exposed. Those five minutes now bring months of shame. For the man, he knows he caused this to happen - and that women is carrying his child, whether he's ready to accept it or not. Meanwhile, the women has to carry this new life for almost a year, each day it becoming more and more obvious she's become pregnant. Drama, anger, frustration, depression, confusion, fear, uncertainty... all from five minutes of passion.
Even if the decision to kill the baby in an abortion is made, usually by that time it's too late and the dirty little secret is already out. That, and now both the man and the women have to live with the reality of the blood on their hands - killing an innocent when it was helpless to defend itself.
3. Premarital Sex brings Disease
Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) are not exclusive to sexual intercourse without "protection". It has been seen time and time again that these "protective" measures are not reliable in preventing the transfer of AIDs and other life-threatening diseases. All that is needed to transfer many of these diseases is body-fluid transfer. Even a prolonged kiss can transfer some of these diseases - even more so a passionate, sexual kiss. Is the potential for a life-threatening illness that will likely plague you for years worth a brief, sexual encounter? Remember, almost every person who contracted an STD didn't believe it would happen to them.
4. Premarital Sex brings Financial Problems
If you're the women, now you have to support an unexpected child in the world. And if you're the man, you have to pay child support! That means a portion of everything you make goes to support the kid you brought into the world. Is five minutes as a teenager worth paying all that money for 18 years?
5. Premarital Sex robs you of your virginity
Whether or not you agree premarital sex is wrong, it is true that in today's world, people who have never had sexual relations are for some reason considered to be more "desirable" when it comes to romance. When you lose your virginity, you lose the ability to say "you are the first and only one", which is an amazing gift for your spouse when you get married. In addition to this, by being a virgin, you won't have other romantic partners of that kind to compare your spouse with. All you know is what your spouse gives, and (my understanding is) that brings great contentment. Finally, if your spouse is also a virgin, you will have assurance that he/she isn't comparing you to any other past deeply-romantic partner.
As we can see, sexual sin is very dangerous and has many adverse consequences. In addition, the Bible makes it very clear that best way to avoid these problems is not to try and get out of them while still committing the sin, but to avoid it altogether, and instead focus on what is honorable, just, pure, and praiseworthy (Phil 4:8).
What do you think? Is sexual sin something we need to be concerned about? Let me know in the comments section below!